He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
whose parrot is this?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
