Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
