I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
