I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
