it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
