I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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