Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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