you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
