This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
