you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
