In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
