So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry about my life...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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