I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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