I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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