Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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