what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
