I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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