it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
