Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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