I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
