Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
