Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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