Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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