I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
