dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
