His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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