my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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