Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
