I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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