Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
