I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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