Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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