you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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