Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
