i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
