Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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