As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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