curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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