My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He shit in the fireplace
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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