Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
