theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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