I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
