No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
