I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
