He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A bitchslap is in order.
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