My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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