Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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