This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my being single is dangerous.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
