I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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