You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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