cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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