I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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