Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
