I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
