when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
