Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
