ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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