and you said cock pushups were impossible
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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