Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
