He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
