I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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