Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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