Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
