you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
